Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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