The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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