Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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