mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
