Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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