Got a toothbrush?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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