Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to make out with him forever
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
