I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
