Do vagina's smell?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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