O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
