People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
