i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
