Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I look better un-naked...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
