I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
