dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
