Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
