I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Randomize
