Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
