how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
