i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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