Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
