I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
