She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
