Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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