They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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