I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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