Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
