Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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