I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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