but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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