Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
