Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
