you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
