i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
