I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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