the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
