She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
