I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
