my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
