I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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