This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
