He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
