masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
