i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
