I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
