It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
