Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
