Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
