I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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