I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
