i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
