So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
