Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
