so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
