yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
