I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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