Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
